How Many Pairs of Jeans Do You Have?

I know Sandy is bearing down on the East Coast (Prayers to all my friends out there. Don’t be stupid. When the powers that be say leave, leave.), and there are more pressing and important matters at hand.

But I’ve almost emptied my inbox, and the sun is shining. Which means I start to look around my office and notice all of the dust and clutter that cloudy days seem to hide so well. And I’m wondering how many pairs of jeans my readers and friends have.

We recently had a garage sale, and did some major purging of a household that I thought was fairly purged. But when you start thinking that someone will pay you money for things around your house I am more apt to make quick decisions. The extra rug that we might need just in case? Garage sale. The shoes that I bought at rummage/bag sale that I wore a few times resulting in vanity pain? Garage sale. The bath bomb that went unused because I don’t take baths? Garage sale.

I am an organizing freak. I don’t like clutter. I have a list of personal projects, home maintenance projects, Pinterest projects, etc. I don’t scrapbook, but I have a binder system to keep each child’s important papers from each school year. My shoes are in clear plastic boxes with labels. My shirts are hung according to sleeve length and color.

I told you I am a freak. (Local friends, I don’t judge you and your homes. I’m only a freak about my own space.)

But the battle is never won. One of the bigger battles (minus the color, sleeve-length, shoe box thing) happens to be my closet. I enjoy shopping and finding a great deal. My favorite places to shop are not the outlet stores but the resale shops and garage sales. Yesterday I stopped at an estate sale and nabbed two great glass dishes, four cans of spray paint, three vintage ties, a pair of pjs, a paint roller, and a beautiful old copy of the Book of Common Prayer for $8. I’ve learned to buy with purpose, each item, even the vintage ties, are going to be put to use within the next month.

But when it comes to clothes, I have a more difficult time (I know, first world problems) discerning what is a good range of “stuff” to have. I also keep clothes for a long time (my favorite and only Benetton sweater from high school is now in my daughter’s closet!). I am mindful of the family budget. I don’t want to put too much emphasis on external beauty, but I like being put together.

So I am curious, how many pairs of jeans do you own? I think my husband owns three pairs. He spends most days in scrubs and then another chunk of time in running gear in prep or recovery. I own six.

Again, no judging. How many pairs of jeans do you own?

Adventures in Parenting and Life 101 Because I’m Always Learning: Scheduling

This morning was set aside to calendar.  Yes, calendar as in the verb in relationship to the noun form. Me, my latte and my calendars cozied up now that my iCal and iPhone is synced with a Google calendar (we are a cross-computer platform family where PC and Mac must lovingly and painstakingly co-exist in forced harmony) for a morning of new events, mapping out future childcare needs and plans for cloning when two parents and three children are supposed to be at different places at the same time.

I’m certain that my parents had some method to their madness, but it really wasn’t quite as full and weighty as what we/I make life out to be now. My parents didn’t have the money to afford all of the activities – tae kwon do, magic class, owl pellets class, ballet class, pointe class, modern dance class – that fill up my evenings and weekends. The priorities were school and church and anything beyond that was gravy. We took Korean language classes, which I think were free through the church and then priceless when we stopped going to a class and my mother would simply buy the books, make photocopies and make us do the worksheets during the summer months, and piano lessons, which for me gave way to a few years of flute lessons. There was little space, money or felt need for summer camp, swimming lessons or sports camp because for many years we were latch-key kids who learned to float well after I had mastered my multiplications tables and long division and yet learned early on that competitive sports were not in our future.

My parents didn’t know they needed to carry around their digital calendars. I remember my mom having a small paper organizer and the house always had free calendars from the bank, back when banks gave customers toasters, calendars and lollipops, and the Korean grocery store, which still give out free calendars. But they also didn’t know what we weren’t getting to do because they were too busy trying fairly successfully to provide for us more than they had had.

These days in my affluent suburban existence I can parent through my issues – swimming lessons because dammit my kids will be stronger swimmers than I am and tae kwon do or dance classes and the occasional tennis or golf lesson because life is too short to not have a brief introduction to a “life long sport” they can carry into their retirement years.

I am not alone in my angst. The bar is higher and more competitive for college, and at Bethany’s high school orientation I began to hyperventilate (maybe it was those crazy strobe lights and lasers during the slideshow) at all that the “average” kid has to do – academics and extra-curricular – to be college-worthy. No study hall so she can get in an extra elective, but how will she manage the course load with her classes if she keeps up with dance or takes on other extra-curriculars? Or keep the study hall so she has extra time during the day to get the extra work done, but will her overall academic course load be enough? The calendar feels heavier just thinking about it.

At least she’s never heard the “Why don’t you have all A’s? Why isn’t this B+ or A- an A” talk.

And it’s not even just the parenting part of scheduling. Have you ever watched a group of adult friends try to schedule a night out or an extended family try to plan a trip together? My girlfriends and I have been talking about celebrating our 40th birthdays at some spa, but the first round of e-mails were rather amusing. We are very, very busy (but so help me if it means celebrating after we all turn 40 we are going to do this!).

I’m grateful to be alive, deeply grateful for the opportunities, access, ability to have and do so much but sometimes it feels a little out of control.

For awhile we had a rule: each kid was limited to one activity. But then we started fudging our way around that one with band because technically it was at the school, during and after school so it didn’t feel completely like an extra activity. And then Bethany made the poms squad, which was related to her dance classes. And then youth group/confirmation/Wednesday night Kids’ Club was extra but also important so we made room. And so on, and so on, and so on. I was hoping my youngest would try baseball, mainly so I could hang out with the other moms during practices and games, but he wanted no part in another activity no matter how much he could learn from being on a team sport. Sometimes, our kids are so incredibly wise.

Everyone has a system. Mine has evolved over the years as DINKs became parents of one, two and then three. My trusty Franklin Planner gave way to copying everything onto a wipe board. Now I am completely electronic with five color coordinated calendars that Peter and I can now sync online relatively seamlessly. A printed copy goes on the fridge so the kids can check to see if a sleepover will conflict with a family event.

So how do you get through it? How do you manage and schedule your time and, if you have a family, your family’s and family time so that everyone doesn’t need a clone and resent you?